Blended Hope

Soon after the death of my husband Cameron (June 2014), I had a hard time finding someone to talk to that could ACTUALLY relate to what I was feeling. I searched the internet for help, not finding much that sparked my interest and eventually was led to search Facebook. I had heard whispering a of these “private groups” and thought I would check and see if something existed….IT DID! All these years on FB and I never knew about these groups!

There were countless Widow groups, even ones that specialized in specific age ranges, cause of death (suicide, cancer, etc), local groups, but I felt I wanted a religious aspect so I search for my church. Sure enough a “LDS Widow/Widower” group appeared and I clicked to join. Well, it took awhile to be added because they do a search to see that you are a real person and required an obituary—-sadly, many sick people try to take advantage of these vulnerable, grieving people…so I was glad they did the background check first, and was accepted into the group a couple days later.

As soon as I was in I immediately started scrolling past stories that would tear anyone’s heart out. So many families, just like mine, that had suffered this enormous loss and were left to carry on….and so many with small children. Men and women of all ages enduring the same pain of losing the ONE person in your life that KNOWS you the most intimately. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders that I was not alone. Some stories were similar to mine and that helped me to feel that I was in the right spot with the right group to open up to. I soon started asking questions, replying to comments, and accepted a couple friend requests.

It wasn’t until December 14, 2014 that I accepted Matt’s friend request from the group. He soon private messaged me, I responded, and somehow we ended up going back and forth till after midnight! Before our conversation ended we had discussed rings we liked and what a combined family would be like. Pretty crazy. Two weeks later (the day after Christmas) he would drive from Utah, through a snowy blizzard with his five children to sunny California to meet me.

We met at my home then straight to the beach! Matt still had his winter flannel shirt on haha! The next day, my 2 boys headed off to a ski trip with their grandparents so it was just my daughter, Matt’s 5 children, and Matt and I. We went hiking together and off to Disneyland! During the hike I offered to hold Quinton, Matt’s youngest,  who was two years old, very tired, and he fell asleep in my arms. You could say that smile on my face in the picture below was pure joy.

We were both smitten with one another and as he left back to Utah I tried talking myself out of what I knew was meant to be. NOOOOOOO, not Utah. So we planned another trip together as a combined family, 2 weeks later, in Las Vegas, and I was sure this would be the trip that would stop this match from happening….

decJan2014pics 291

Well, Matt and I were falling deeper in love, growing more sure that this was our future together but my oldest son WAS NOT ACCEPTING of any of this. Rough times ahead…

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