Blended Hope

Wedding bells ringing, house shopping crying

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Planning a wedding and a move to Utah all from California was just a logistical nightmare. Any hopes or dreams of a big wedding with a guest list, food, decor, and such went right out the window. My plate was full just working full time and caring for my kids alone in California and Matt was in the same boat as I was so we chose a small, intimate wedding at his brothers home. Just family and that’s it.

I had some beautiful announcements made and we mailed those out but there was a lot of guilt with that….why didn’t we invite our deceased spouses families, why didn’t we have friends come, why didn’t we have a reception or open house, etc…. And the honest truth was that we just didn’t have the energy to do it. We just wanted to be married and start our life, we needed one another, and sooner than later preferably…especially on Matt’s end. Running his practice and being a single dad with 5 kids was really difficult.

So a small wedding was planned with just Matt’s family, my mom, and my good friend. That’s it.

And it was perfect!

After we honeymooned, I flew back to California and Matt flew back to Utah….weird, right? I really wanted my kids to finish up the school year so that’s what we did.

In the meantime, we needed to find the perfect home for our new family. When I would visit Utah I would stay at Matt’s house, he would stay at his parents house. When I was in his home I never had the feeling of being “in Amy’s home” and like I couldn’t live there but I just felt we needed more space and a fresh start.

So we found a few homes online and scheduled a time to see them when it was my turn to fly to Utah the next week. When I arrived we were all excited to go home shopping. We loaded up his children in the van to go together–my children stayed in California with a babysitter for the weekend–and headed out.

After seeing two homes, one of Matt’s daughters started crying and hid around the corner of the home we were viewing. She was really upset about the idea of leaving her home and of all the changes. Boy did I understand those feelings! We consoled her and packed up. It was apparent that this move wasn’t going to just be hard on my children, who were moving from a different state, but Matt’s children were having a hard time too. One daughter even wrote a paper giving reasons why she wanted her own room in a new home.

All of those happy “just married” feelings were starting to turn to “ohhh boy this is about to get real rough”.

I was holding on tight…

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