Welcome to Utah!
Don’t we look like the perfect family in this picture? Cute kids, smiling faces, beautiful day hiking together….well, if you only knew what it took to get the kids all on board to get to this outing you would know we are NOT perfect.
A few short months into being a blended family and I am quickly discovering that this is tough. Like, really tough. Matt and I are so in love and enjoying being together. I am literally waiting for him to come home from work each day because I can’t wait to see him. Sometimes, I just swing by his office to visit because I’m so smitten.
Then, there’s what’s going on at home. We moved here in the summer. Do you know what that means? It means ALL THE KIDS ARE HOME, ALL DAY LONG. For the little kids, it’s great. It’s almost like they are at a play date all day because there are so many of them. Then, there are the big kids.
Here’s my issue.
I’m quickly discovering which personalities mesh well and which ones DON’T. Actually, I have a Vlog to post about this but am not sure if I’m brave enough to post….we’ll see.
The older kids consist of my 2 teenage sons and Matt’s 2 teenage daughters. They never really talk with one another, and when they do it’s a lot of eye rolling and irritation…from my kids. It’s my kids versus Matt’s. And whose side do you think I’m leaning closer too? Yep, mine.
Just being honest here, I’m siding with my kids. Trying to see both sides, but I’m leaning and it’s probably noticeable. I’m doing my best…
There are personalities you can warm up too and others that are difficult. I know my boys. I love being with them, we have always played around, talked about everything, have fun hanging out, and in general we just LOVE to be with one another.
So now we must blend together, hang out with new family members, and pretend to all be enjoying one another’s company, and it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
I’m now starting down a path in this marriage that is bad and yet I’ve found such happiness in my new husband. Such conflicting feelings. I love my new husband and yet I’m struggling to find happiness in my home life.
How do I escape the uncomfortableness, the irritation? Home is supposed to be a place of peace. At this point I just want to scream “I want my mommy” and run home.
And at this point, Matt’s youngest kids start calling me “Mom”.
They have lost their mother to cancer at such a young age, have prayed for a new mom, I have willingly accepted the role, and now all I want to do is leave. This step-mom gig is rough.
I love being the littles new mom but at the same time I just want to spend time with MY three kids. I want MY time with them. I miss just OUR little family. I’m stuck at a place of wanting pieces of my “old life” mixed with pieces of my new life.
Blending a family is harder than I thought and being a stepmom takes a lot more effort than I ever imagined.
Have you ever had conflicting feelings as a step parent? Times where you missed your life before your new family?