Blended Hope

Putting YOUR Feelings Before Your Child’s Feelings

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Our family recently ran into a “blending family” snag that was full of tears, hard feelings, and required a lot of firm talks. This was the ol’ “you didn’t ask me if you could get remarried” snag.

Let me first preface this post with a disclaimer: I am just a regular person. I am not a therapist or a child psychologist. I am just an ordinary parent trying to sort through the problems that arise while blending a family. And this was a real reaction. I am not perfect.

What was my reaction? Well, it’s probably going to be controversial, here it goes…

“You’re dang right I didn’t ask you if I could get remarried, and I didn’t have to!”

Yep, I said it just like that.

There were many conversations after that statement but let me make one thing clear: I love my kids more than anything but I will never let them run my life and my decision making because of their emotions.

I hear a lot of parents say “I have to do what’s best for my kids” but that can look very different depending on your situation.

For instance, I’ve seen couples stay in horrible marriages or remain single because they felt it would just be too hard on their children emotionally. I’ve been there, I get it.

What is right, what is wrong? It depends on your circumstance. What might seem best for your child may not be the best for mine.

Making a choice to blend a family was a choice I took to the Lord, not my children. And the answer I received was tough to accept and follow.

In all honesty, if I put my children’s feelings first I would be single right now. My oldest son told me outright he didn’t want me to marry Matt, he refused to move to Utah, and he was really upset about the idea of blending our families together. It would have been really easy to listen to my son and end my relationship with Matt, saving myself from drama. But….

Guess what?

I put MY feelings first.

I made what appeared to be a crazy, selfish choice and my kids “suffered” the consequences of it and I couldn’t be any happier about that.

Let me give you a few examples of how they have suffered because I put MY feelings first:

*First of all they had to watch me smile bigger than I had in years as I married Matt. Here I am on my wedding day with my two boys. Can you believe I made them suffer like that? I’m so mean.

*Second, they have had to endure having a new family that loves them and supports them in their passions. Even attending their sporting events that are an hour away. The horror!

*Third, they have all had to put up with a new baby brother that insists on melting their hearts. This one hurts the worst I’m sure.

Sometimes you have to put yourself and YOUR feelings first and by doing so it will benefit your children…even though they don’t know it just yet!

If you have been through this blending battle I would love to hear how you handled it!

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11 Replies to “Putting YOUR Feelings Before Your Child’s Feelings”

      1. Seriously! I cannot tell you how many people (mostly women) who have told me how shocked they are that I uprooted my children to marry Matt and how they would NEVER do such a thing because it would ruin their children…as if I’ve ruined mine….geesh.

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  1. Blending a family is seriously so hard! Being a step parent is even harder!! Our kids can’t and should not run our lives. We are the parents. I love my kids more than anything! BUT they will never run my life or make the decisions. They also grow up and move on with their own lives. Then what? I have 2 step daughters right now that have never had a “mom!” She only wants to be their friend! So of course in my home where there are rules, responsibility and hard work…..I am just the wicked stepmother! Oh well! I love them but they will not run our home or make decisions for me or their dad. He has clearly made them know that as well! I firmly believe we as parents come first, our spouse comes first and the decisions we make will benefit our kids even if they don’t understand why at the moment. And look how happy you are!!! Very glad you found Matt and Amy would be very proud of you and the choice you made!!! ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t have experience with this particular thing, but I still “think” I know what I would do – exactly the same thing as you.
    Ultimately, your happiness (or miserableness) will translate to your kids. They just don’t know it yet.
    Kids don’t want adults to be adults. It’s a normal thing. They want to rule us. It’s our choice if we let them.
    Be sure to remind them this rebellion of theirs when they bring a girl home. I wonder if they will be so eager to ask YOU about THEIR marriage.

    Liked by 1 person

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