I’m not sure what made me take this picture but I guess at the time I wished I could have sent it to my recently deceased husband, Cameron, to show him how badly we were hurting and I needed him.
As I was getting ready for bed on this day (5 months after Cam’s passing) my daughter, age 6, went into a complete breakdown over missing her daddy.
“I WANT MY DADDY BACK NOW!!!” “RIGHT NOW!! “RIGHT NOW!” “I WANT MYYYY DADDDDD!!”
“GO GET HIM!!!”
She screamed and cried and thrashed and spit and hit and cried so hard that night and there was nothing I could do but try to hold her, talk her through her emotions, kiss her, and love her.
As you can see in the picture, her face is blotchy (just like her mama) eyes are swollen and red, and her mouth is open because her nose was so stuffy from crying she could only breathe from her mouth.
This night I held her and cried so hard over our loss. I cried about the void that would always be there. No one could replace Cameron ever.
Cameron’s autopsy does not list suicide as his cause of death but instead it says “accidental overdose”. And in my opinion there isn’t much of a difference.
He was suffering inside for so many years and was going through such a rough time that he really didn’t care if he took a few too many pills, drinks, or drugs.
I share this with you because this picture is raw and real. This is what happens when you are gone. True suffering. It hurts in a way I cannot even explain with words.
You are not replaceable. Life might be hard right now but keep going. You are needed. I promise that life can change just keep trying. Fight to get better, reach out.
I am here if you ever need someone to talk too. PLEASE keep going❤️