Shortly after Matt and I married he asked me one night “Am I your best friend? Because you are mine”. I had to pause and think about that for awhile. Not the best response to give to your new husband…
When I think about a “best friend” I think about a person who you trust and confide all your deepest secrets to, someone that you go to during your darkest moments, and the person in times of trouble (or in complete happiness) that you reach out to first.
Was he that person?
To get to “best friend status” takes time and Matt and I had not even known each other a year when he asked me this question. I needed to really think about this!
As an adult, choosing your best friend can actually be complicated.
In my own opinion I think the person that women tend to reach out and tell all of their problems to are other women. Many confide to their mother and some lean only on their husbands.
So, when I was asked who my best friend was, my mind went blank. Who was I supposed to say was the one?
Since Cameron’s death, I had a small circle of friends and family that I reached out to and even in that circle I still felt a little guarded and a little judged. It hurts so bad to lose your “go to” friend that you can tell it all to!
With this new marriage was the start of a new “best-friendship”!
Starting over in a new marriage can feel so defeating. It takes so much time and energy and trial and error and arguments and patience. There are so many days you just feel like it’s too hard or impossible to make work. BUT, a new day comes and you work harder and things get better.
You start placing your trust in someone new. You start confiding and sharing all of your fears and weaknesses. You start talking about life goals and aspirations. Soon enough you have this amazing, blossoming, irreplaceable friendship you never knew was possible.
Today, I can say Matthew is my best friend. It’s taken me a few years to get to this point but he holds that title in my life. I’m grateful to have stuck through the ups and downs of blending our families together long enough to have created a relationship and friendship I cannot be without.
It is possible to gain a new best friend even if you are 42 years old. It may feel as though it will never be the same as a past friendships (or marriage) you’ve had, but give it time.
Having a best friend is the best feeling in the world!
Do you consider your spouse your best friend? Or is it someone else?