Blended Hope

Adult Children: What Do You Do With Them? No, Seriously…What Do YOU Do With Them? HELP!

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The past 19 years of motherhood have changed me for the better. I now know what it feels like to have a piece of your heart beating outside of your body. I LOVE my kids, I mean I just ADORE them!

And when Matt and I blended our families together and I received 5 more children, my heart grew even bigger!

I have loved all of the grocery shopping, clothes shopping, Easter basket making, Christmas list purchasing, attending their sporting events, signing them up for extra curricular activities, etc for all nine of our children.

But here is what is about to happen to our life in just a few months and I am needing a little help…

My oldest son left for a 2 year religious mission right after he graduated high school and he will RETURN in about 5 months.

At the same time, Matt’s oldest daughter is graduating high school and is going to be enrolled in a college nearby.

These are both great accomplishments and Matt and I are so proud. We we officially have TWO ADULT, GRADUATED kids under our roof. Both have plans to attend college.

Now, this is a stage of parenthood that I see A LOT of issues arise, even if you have the same mother and father. But when you have a blended family this can get sticky. Especially when trying to figure out the financial aspect of “who is paying for what.

I need a game plan people, quick.

Matt and I had a long talk and we discussed how our parents handled us at age 18 and they were VERY different.

We cannot agree how best to handle these two new adults under our roof.

Remember how I said I enjoyed doing all of those things for those nine kids? Well, at what point do I stop doing all of that??

Do they live here for free, forever?

Do I continue to purchase all of their clothes?

How much longer do I have to cook and buy groceries for 9 kids?

Do we just continue to pay for their cell phones, car, car insurance, etc?

Do we give them a curfew? We do have a baby in the house…

I have seen this scenario of adult age kids turn very bad so many times. These kids can manipulate their parents and become lazy, never fully growing up and becoming independent. Some kids end up doing very little and continue living in their parents basement for years….I don’t want that.

Or better yet, never know what it’s like to have to fend for themselves, budget, save, you get the idea.

I also don’t want my children working themselves like crazy when we can ease part of their burden by living at home.

What team are you on:

TEAM: GLORIFIED HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT

These kids live at home for free, tuition is paid for, groceries are paid for, clothing is paid for, car and cell phone and gas to school is paid for. They must be attending school full time.

TEAM: GROWN UP IN PROGRESS

These kids are adults now and need to learn what that means. Must pay a little bit of rent, chip in for groceries and bills, buy your own clothes, and typically work at least a part time job. Tuition is paid for.

These are the two scenarios we have come up with so far. I won’t tell you which one is mine or Matt’s…hehehe!

How have you handled adult aged children????

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13 Replies to “Adult Children: What Do You Do With Them? No, Seriously…What Do YOU Do With Them? HELP!”

  1. I’m definitely team grown up with flexibility. I’d be prepared to help more if they were taking a higher class load/exams etc but absolutely NOT covering everything. That teaches nothing. From a very early age, mine got pocket money and had to save a portion. They could then use some of the ‘free’ money to save for bigger things. Games etc. Any big ticket items like game boys, play stations etc we had a different system. If it was over $50 they saved up half and I saved up half. These days I’d make it $100 and I would only do that up to the age when they could get a job. 16/17 ish

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We didn’t want our kids in debt from
    student loans if we could help so we did the team grown up with some flexibility. They pay their phone bill. They’ve stayed on our insurance. Medical til they’re 26 unless they get married and auto til married. Didn’t have rent until after first semester of college was over but then had to at least cover some groceries and utilities. They were responsible for car payment. We were blessed that we were able to help if needed but it’s a loan not a handout and will be repaid back. They will not be prepared for the world if you cover everything. Even with what I thought I taught my daughter before she got married-she is underprepared 😦 oh and if they wanted to move out then we helped with the deposit but they were responsible for everything else. I believe it’s good for them to live out of the house but if it’s a free ride-they don’t learn much!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ll be the devil’s advocate, because I see everyone being for your option.
    Here’s the thing – if your kids go to school full-time, there isn’t that much time for them to study, rest and work. Do you want to make them work on the weekends? As a grownup, who has a full-time job, and who had people suggest I get a 2nd – weekend one, I know that we all NEED a break. Otherwise we burn out and are bitter. Do you want your kids to hate life so early? Do you want your kids to work evenings so that they don’t have enough time study, and so they fail classes, drop out and then live with you full time?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I LOVE your response!
      So I’ll go ahead and admit you are on Team Husband haha!
      My husband finished his degree early because he did nothing but take full loads each semester and study hard. His parents paid for everything except occasionally he would work random jobs so he could have spending money.
      In his free time he dated and had fun.
      Here’s the thing-we have nine children to support. $$$$
      Yikes!
      It gets a little exhausting on my end at home and expensive too.
      “Mom, I need new socks, shorts, pants, a new outfit for some occasion, shoes, more shampoo, etc”
      I really want these kids to spread their wings, live on campus, and experience real life if we can give them that life, even if it’s just their first year of college!
      You are right, they will have their whole life to work. I think I’m just getting impatient 🤣🤣

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can totally understand your point of view. It can’t be easy. I think you will find the best suited answer as you go along.

        Maybe you will pay for everything for a semester, and then they will volunteer to work and pay for some. Maybe they will have days will less school work. Who knows. Don’t close yourself off. You don’t have to make that decision right now. You can adjust as things go.

        I wish you patience!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. My husband and I also have a blended family with 6 kids between us. We have been discussing this very thing. We were both left on our own when it came to college. My parents paid for my car insurance and that was it. I had a small scholarship and worked part-time during college. I graduated with about $20,000 in student loans. It was hard, but gave me experience and confidence to run my own life. My husband worked his way through college too. We have agreed to pay all the costs for concurrent enrollment and AP courses taken in high school. We will help our children apply for scholarships and help them with a portion of their tuition and keep them on our health insurance. They will need to move out, or pay rent once they graduate from college. They will have to pay for college themselves. They are already responsible to pay for their cell phones and other extra expenses. I want to raise strong adults, they need to be invested in their own lives. Hard things are good for us. We don’t owe our children a free ride through their college years.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. $20,000 in debt doesn’t sound that bad! The costs have increased so much these days that I worry for my kids…
      That is awesome that they already pay for cell phones and expenses!! I’m taking notes👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼

      Like

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