How Long is Enough When It Comes to Grief?

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When you hear of someone who lost a loved one, your heart aches for them. You might send flowers or a card or offer your condolences. But after a short period of time it’s almost “expected” for the survivor to move on.

You might hear of them struggling months later (maybe through a Facebook post or whatnot) and think “oh, give them a little more time and they’ll be okay”.

How about years later and they are still struggling?

How do you react to that?

Shortly after my husband died I joined an online grieving group and recall reading a post from a woman who was struggling with the holiday season approaching….her husband died TEN years earlier.

I was shocked.


TEN YEARS?!!! And she is STILL struggling?!! I mean COME ON!! Ten years is a long time. She should be “getting over it” and moving on, right?

And yet here I am four years out and I too dread the holidays and certain times of the year. The missed memories and traditions from that missing someone. It just hurts!

How long is too long to grieve? Is there really a time frame?

Do you wake up one day and say “wow, I no longer care, I’m healed!”

How does it work? How do you make those sad feelings go away forever?

The truth is, you don’t make those sad feelings go away! You just live a little differently.

You will never forget those that have left your life and the truth is that it’s okay to be sad even if it’s TEN, TWENTY, THIRTY years later!!

You don’t have to erase them from your memory as if they never existed. You miss them and it hurts!

Not everyone will understand your sadness or grief timeframe but that’s only because they are not you.

Have you ever thought someone was grieving a little “too long” over someone?

9 Replies to “How Long is Enough When It Comes to Grief?”

  1. It’s coming up to five years for me and not a day goes by when I don’t miss or the loss doesn’t hurt. I guess, there’s no time frame and neither should be. We just learn to carry the burden of grief better and to the outside world it seems like we’ve been healed..

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I believe grief lasts a lifetime. The coping may get easier but the loss is always felt. I don’t think anybody has the right to judge in these circumstances & people should take as long as they need… 💕

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s been 19 years for me. It still affects me around anniversary dates. The kids and I are happy but it’s always there in the background as we go about our lives. We have learn to live with it 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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